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Weighing this Choice as an Expectant/Birth Parent
Making the decision to place your child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions you can ever contemplate. It is a big life decision that should be weighed very carefully. You are facing an unplanned pregnancy. You were not planning on this. The world may feel as though it is on your shoulders. It is important to know that you are not alone. Nearly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned. It may still feel like an overwhelming situation. This is completely normal.
Adoption is a selfless and loving choice for those facing an unplanned pregnancy. Adoption allows you to make a plan for your child and give him or her opportunities that you may not be able to provide at this time. Reaching this decision, and making peace with it, is a big hill to climb. Many women who have faced this same decision say that once they made the decision they felt relief in having a safe and loving plan for their baby.
If you are wondering about “giving a baby up for adoption pros and cons,” keep reading. Here, we will explore the pros and cons of adoption. We also remind you that, in no way, is adoption “giving up.” In fact, it is the complete opposite, and you are about to find out why.
Even if you already know the benefits of adoption for both baby and birth mom, it can be hard to see that it is the right path for you. Here are some of the many pros of adoption:
Pros of Adoption
1. A bright future for your baby
Placing your child for adoption means that he/she will be raised in a safe, loving and stable home. Adoption is always a decision made in the baby’s best interest. Your child would be placed with a family that is eager to love and care for a child of their own. These families typically are not able to have children biologically.
Birth parents often feel great comfort in knowing the adoptive family before the adoption is finalized. At Adoptions With Love, expectant mothers have the power to choose their child’s adoptive parents, and speak to them ahead of time, if they wish. Adoptive families also undergo a comprehensive screening and home study process, which involve multiple home visits. Adoptions With Love ensures that every family adopting a child is physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally fit to raise a child.
An estimated 90 percent of children that are adopted over the age of five have positive feelings about their adoption. Most adopted children also have a warm and close relationship with their adoptive parents. Adopted children are more likely to participate in extracurricular activities and are more likely to be read to and sung to every day.
Through open adoption, expectant mothers like you can look forward to staying in touch over the years. You may look forward to reading letters about your child trying new activities – like learning to ski – or seeing the world and receiving a great education. You may not be able to provide this type of life for your child right now, but it may bring you peace of mind knowing that another family can, and will, should you choose adoption.
2. A bright future for birth mom, too
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, you may be grappling with all your own life plans that have been put on hold. Perhaps you were in college or had plans to attend college. Maybe you were just starting a new career, or you are looking to get married before starting a family. Or perhaps, like many other women, you are already parenting children and are not ready for another one. Whatever your plans, having a baby can change everything.
In choosing to place your child for adoption, you are also choosing a bright future for yourself, as well. Once the adoption is finalized, you can begin to move forward with your life. You can continue your education and move your life in the direction you want. You can pursue your hopes and dreams, all while knowing that your child is safe.
3. Double the love
Most adoptions today are “open adoptions.” This means there is some form of ongoing communication between birth mother and adoptive family. With an open adoption, your child is raised, nurtured and loved by his/her adoptive family while also learning about their adoption story. She/he will learn about you and your family from a positive perspective, and will grow to know and love you – even if your meeting is years into the future. Your child will have double the family and double the love!
This “double love” reward can benefit birth moms, as well. You may also grow to love your child’s adoptive family. For some birth mothers and adoptive families, there is a lifelong bond. The relationship grows just as the growing child does, connecting the two families. Some birth mothers feel like they, too, are adopted. Learn more here.
4. “Goodbye” is not for forever
The idea of placing your baby for adoption can be a painful one. Many expectant/ birth mothers experience a wave of emotions as they consider adoption, fearing the moment of saying “goodbye.” It is not, however, goodbye forever. It is more like, “goodbye for now.”
Whether you decide to have an open adoption, semi-open adoption, or a closed adoption, you may always choose to reconnect with your child and the adoptive family down the road. At Adoptions With Love, all adoptive families agree to at least a semi-open adoption, and the plans may be tweaked to accommodate the birth mother or child over the years. Even if you decide that you need a fresh start and feel that you do not wish to communicate with your child’s adoptive family, you can have some degree of contact later. Adoptions With Love keeps photos and updates on file throughout the years for this very reason.
5. A smooth process with the right agency
When you choose to place your child for adoption with a credible adoption agency like Adoptions With Love, you are ensuring a smooth and perfectly legal adoption. Your rights as a birth mother are protected, and you are always kept in the loop on what is happening throughout the process. This is a process that requires a great deal of trust.
At Adoptions With Love, our adoption attorneys are well-versed in the ever-changing adoption laws. These legal services are completely free for you, the birth mother. The adoption agency also covers counseling services, medical care related to your pregnancy, birth and postpartum recovery, and can even assist you with rent and other bills, as needed.
Cons of Adoption
1. The grief for birth mom
Just as there are feelings of loss for mothers who experience miscarriage or termination, birth mothers experience a very real sense of loss after placing their baby for adoption . There are many emotions to navigate throughout the journey toward adoption, and grief is one of them.
Adoptions With Love’s free counseling services can help you through this process. Our loving team of professionals has years of experience working with birth mothers. We stay connected with birth mothers many years after the birth. Whether you need some support and a listening ear on a holiday, or your child’s birthday, or just a tough day in the middle of the week – our counselors are here for you.
2. Possibility of losing relationships
Choosing adoption for your child means there is a risk of affecting some relationships that are important to you. Whether it is your partner, your parents, or other friends and relatives, there are some people who may be unsupportive of this choice. The truth is, this is YOUR decision. No one in your life has the right to tell you what to do or to pressure you into making a certain choice.
Adoptions With Love will never pressure you. We will also never criticize or judge you. You are always welcome to speak with our counselors or staff members as you work through your emotions and try to decide which path is best for you and your baby. At the end of the day, it is a simple rule of: Your body, your rules. We will respect whatever choice you make.
For many young women facing unplanned pregnancy, the pros of adoption far outweigh the cons when it comes to placing your baby for adoption. It is, however, something that takes careful consideration. Only you can choose the best path for you, but it is a loving decision that can offer many benefits for birth mom and baby.
If you would like to learn more about placing your baby for adoption, feel free to reach out to Adoptions With Love any time of day, any day of the week. We are here to listen and address your concerns, free of charge. Call us at 1-800-722-7731, text us confidentially at 1-617-777-0072, or contact us online.
